Life after Death

It's taken me quite a while to be able to actually sit with a clear enough head and begin to write again. February and March have been a blur for me. With Mom's sickness and then her death it has somewhat consumed me. Like walking through quicksand it seemed like the more I moved the more I sank so I just stayed still. I am like a caterpillar coming out of a cocoon all weak and fragile but changed. Death will do that to you like no other thing. I have thought much over the past several weeks since Mom's passing and I am thankful for so much. The picture that I have posted is of all the cards you sent to her when she was sick. How she loved getting these letters, they were wonderful cards filled with pictures, love, along with the assurances and promises of God's word. She would say "make sure you thank these people" and I did but I want to do it again...Thank you from the bottom of my heart for just giving something for a sick Mom to look forward to during days when all of the news was bad. I am thankful that I listened to that little voice in my head that said...get people to send cards and to tell your Mother what you think of her. I wrote the previous post and my sister read it to her and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved her unconditionally. I am thankful that I was able to pray with my Mother and she is with the Lord right now! I am thankful that I was able to make her porridge, thankful I knew she loved me, thankful I was there when she died and thankful oh so thankful for the Mother I had. I'm ok now because Mom and I were ok. I have my family and I have my church family, friends and a heavenly Father that holds me in the palm of His hand...so my life will go on as it is supposed to. What I will take from this is all the good that my Mom was and all the positive things that happened throughout this experience and I will live as Mom would have wanted me to. Live and grow and learn and love and whatever else is in between with passion and with conviction and with purpose and with wide open abandon. Everyday is a gift my friends and we are guaranteed nothing other than this moment that we are in. Let's make the most of those moments and not waste a single one. Mama out.

Chinese New Year and Two Year Anniversary

Happy New Year...It's now the Year of the Ox. We are going out to celebrate with the Zee's and the Lai's and the MacGregor's on Saturday night. We are still getting our feet wet with the whole Chinese culture thing. We have decided that instead of us try and teach Emily which would end up stereotyping the culture that we would make sure that she had some good Christian Chinese families that would take her under their wing and teach her what it means to be Chinese because well they are Chinese. We will teach her what it is like to be a daughter, a sister, a grand daughter, a niece and a Chaisson. It has been two years since God placed Emily in our arms and we are so blessed truly blessed to have her in our lives. I can't imagine life without her. She has melted our hearts and she has brought so much joy into our lives. We see Emily as Emily. We don't see Chinese. I know that sounds odd but we don't. She is just our daughter who we are thankful for each and every day that we see that smile and her "Good Morning Mom"! Oh how things change but in this case it was definitely for the better. Mama out.

Bananagrams

I bought this game for one of the boys last year for Christmas in their sock. We never opened it we never played it. We were snowed in today and as I was looking for something else I ran across this. After much much much cajoling, threatening, eye rolling Son #2 and DH agreed to play with me. We're addicted! I love this game. It's sort of like scrabble but much faster and much more fun.

It's an anagram game that will drive you bananas!! It's fast, fun, requires no pencil, paper or board. All you need is a flat surface. It comes with 144 letter tiles that come in a yellow, cloth banana zip bag. Not sure about the whole banana theme but it's compact enough to chuck in your purse. All you have to do is select some tiles and form your own collection of connecting and intersecting words (crossword style).One hand can be played in as little as 5 minutes. It can be played solitaire (1 player ) or up to 8 players. It get's very competitive and intense especially with my two "must win at all cost guys". Emily liked it too just to pick out letters. I searched it up on the internet and it was selected as the Top ten toy at the International Toy Fair. Very addictive...very fun. Hey if it pries the folks away from the tv for an hour I say yahoo! Mama goin bananas out! What are your favorite games to play?

Why Teenagers Shouldn't Build Snowmen

It snowed like crazy here on Saturday and Son #2 upon my prompting took Emily outside to make her very first snowman. Well a large head with a massive tongue...baby eating head. This is why teenagers shouldn't make snowmen...especially baby eating ones. Em loved it...can't say I did but I did have to chuckle at his creativity. Love those kids. Mama Out.

A Point of Clarity

Ok...I got a call from Son #1 today about the whole pooing in the pants thing....I should add she was wearing a diaper! Don't worry I'm bad but not THAT bad...Mama out

Unpotty Training

Now you have heard of potty training but this past weekend I decided to unpotty train. Well not really but almost. I'm directing the actors for the Christmas play at our church and I had Emily with me. There is this really intense scene...you know the one when Joseph has just found out that Mary is pregnant and he isn't the father...well Don was deep into that scene when I looked at Emily and she had "the look". Now I couldn't walk out so I motioned for her to hold it. Her eyes gave me the "are you kidding" look. So I just whispered...go ahead a poo in your pants I'll clean it after the scene. I got the "are you kidding" look again and then okely dokely. Poor Emers. I'm such a bad mother some days. Just a bit of a setback though. We had a poo in the pottie today so all is back on track. Mama out.

The Call

I got the call this morning from Son #1.... "Mom it isn't a gun it's a weapon". Someone hold me back. Sorry Mattie.... You say tomato I say tomaaaaaaato. Of course he is talking about the "weapon" in the last post I did on his basic training bunk. I chuckled because it made me think about the time the school called for Son #2 because he brought a weapon to school in Grade one. DH and I quickly headed off to the elementary school in shock thinking that somehow our precious little lambie had obtained a lethal weapon and could have killed himself or someone else. When we arrived at the school there was our sweet little angel (NOT just looked like one) sitting around a table of three adults with the weapon in question sitting in the middle. An automatic full assault Power Ranger Ray Gun. He borrowed it from a friend. We all know why from my earlier post. He had great fun pretending to annihilate all the girls on the playground until his teacher walked around the corner and became collateral damage. It was a serious offense! I'm not kidding... they were ready to have him psychoanalyzed. They were concerned because when the teacher took the gun that he kicked her. Now I must tell you in all of the years that the kids were in school this lady was a piece of work. Short and stocky with a major knot in her face. Well when she grabbed Son #2 and accosted the weapon from him he kicked her in the shins. She told me this with great delight I'm sure because she thought that Son #2 would be mortally wounded by us. She had this smug look and before I knew it my lips engaged before my brain and well "I told her if she talked to me the way she was now talking to him I would have kicked her too". At this point DH just wanted to get the weapon the boy and the wife and get out of Dodge. After Son #2 and I went to anger management (not really but almost) we took back the very dangerous Power Ranger Ray Gun to the next door neighbour and brought the boy home. I hugged him. Told him not to shoot girls or kick teachers - kissed him on the head....patted him on the behind...told him to go outside and have fun. We are so serious with our kids sometimes. So thanks Matt for making me remember that and yes sirree it is a weapon and not simply a gun and don't point it at anyone, don't chase girls with it and if you were here I'd kiss you on the head and pat you on the behind and tell you how proud I am of you. Ok I wouldn't pat you on the behind...well maybe it's a nice tushie. Sorry Sorry...Mama out.

Gas Masks not Halloween Masks

Not many people know this about me but I am terrified of guns. I won't get into the whole story but let's just say that it involved a rifle, some blanks and my stupid brother. Enough said. Ever since I have been terrified of guns being pointed at me. Now I know your thinking who points guns at you (other than my stupid brother...he knows I love him in spite of it). I mean any gun - plastic or otherwise. So I spent most of my young motherhood banning them from the house. Banning Lego guns, Nintendo guns, video games with guns. Nothing violent. I was absolutely adamant much to the "boys" chagrin! Emily thought it was great to point water pistols at me...they mysteriously disappeared. So now that you know the background you can appreciate the chuckle Son #1 got from sending me his bunk picture from basic training. He thought I would like a picture of his gun and gas mask...oh like any good mother I was happy about the whole toothbrush and deodorant but a GUN! Mercy. They gave him a GUN! Let's just say I'm glad he's there and I'm here. He loves it of course. What other testosterone filled male wouldn't. So there you go you can spend your whole life trying to get your kids to do something and well this is what happens. Good thing I love him loads! Mama ignoring the whole gun thing out!

Apple Picking

We went apple picking a few weeks ago at a U-pick in the Annapolis Valley. It was our first outing in ages with little kids. It's amazing to me how things never change we just get older but a kid is a kid they never change . I love watching Emily when she sees things for the first time like an apple on a tree. So simple. Things we take for granted but children bring wonder back into. Emily was so excited. "One more Apple Mom....One more Apple". We went on a tractor ride. Try squatting on a 2 1/2 inch board when you haven't squatted since you were sixteen. Now try that when you are bumpy, bumpy along the apple orchard. Heaven help us. Wait until we get our next little girl. We should be almost 50. I hope it will keep us young and who cares if we forget we have kids and can't remember their names...that's what Son #1 and Son #2 are for to check in on us periodically. Mama still eating apples out!

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Having eight months ago left a 10 year career to pursue other opportunities that I felt I was to plant myself in over the next half of my life left me today evaluating am I doing what I wanted to be doing. One of those areas was to start a non-profit organization addressing the world's orphan crisis and the other was to have more time with my soon to be three year old daughter and to work with my DH. I turned 44 this year so therefore qualify as a mature mama. The time I expected to have not working away from home full time has not materialized like I thought it would. Surprise, Surprise. I found myself getting frustrated because I wasn't planted where I necessarily wanted to be every day and then I heard this quote. "Bloom where you are planted". What a great saying. Instead of worrying the days I'm home about doing something else I need to bloom with my daughter, son and husband. Isn't that the way we guilt ourselves as mothers or fathers sometimes. We forget that there is no more important job. I can say this because as well as having a three year old I have a seventeen and a nineteen year old. They have bloomed into two incredible young men. Sometimes I kick myself and say don't be too proud but it's hard. I know that things can change in an instant. I am all to aware of that and things that were once well can turn instantly upside down. I think as individuals if we bloomed where we were planted more often we would grow in our faith, our skills, our families, our careers and a myriad of other things. I'm home today with a sick baby and will be all week. I am going to bloom at home this week and love every minute of it. Mama out.

Modesty

A good friend of mine sent me an email today because I have a daughter. I love that it was a guy who sent this to me. I love that this guy and his wife are soon going to have their own daughter and he is thinking about this stuff. Modesty in our young girls. I had a conversation with my boys over the last few months. Separately, but about the same thing. I am one of those Mom's much to the dismay of my sons who asks lots of questions about what they want in a relationship....who likes them, who do they like. Now I have a daughter. Completely different beast. She is a beast too some days. Gotta love her though. I loved the simplicity of these few guidelines that if followed should help any woman young or old to do a modesty check on themselves.

"Four Guidelines for Modesty":
1. If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest.
2.If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest.
3.If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest.
4.If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is
probably not modest.

These were taken from Michael Hyatt's blog.

I love the simplicity of them. I love common sense which many in our society today seem to have lost.

"If you think these guidelines are helpful, you might want to pass them along to the young women you know. Evidently, not many are getting the message elsewhere."

Well said and a good place to end. Mama out.

Photo-Deviant Art - LaVolpe

What I Learned Last Week

As a mother who has started all over after the age of 42 with a lovely little girl from China I am sometimes between three worlds. The world of a kid in university, the world of a kid about to finish High School and the world of soon to be trying threes. Last week was well one of "those" weeks. I thought that I would look back on the week and list my lessons learned:

• Snot from a three year old or a seventeen year old is still gross
• You can't be in two places at once well
• If the baby stops drinking bottles don't give them to her just to get some quiet time
• Cartoons aren't like they used to be
• Fox News Rocks don't watch anything else
  
• Sea salt and table salt aren't the same but too much of either is still bad
• Sick kids at any age are draining
• When you stay at your mothers you feel like when you were young and that's OK
• Don't take your mother for granted because when she's sick it doesn't feel good
• Chestnuts hurt when you put them in your pocket before you take them out of their prickly coating
• If your baby falls teeth first on your nose it hurts and it bleeds
• Don't go to a movie if you don't know what it is about you can't stay and watch it
• Write down your commitments no matter what because you WILL forget them
• Don't watch yourself on the Internet
  
• Watch where you are walking because babies put bad stuff on the floor
• Drink more water not more tea

I could go on and on. Thank goodness this is a new week. Mama out

Oh the Difference a Week Makes

Oh the difference a week makes. We went to Indiana last Tuesday and our son was a civilian attending university. We came back last night and in the week we were gone he was sworn in as an officer cadet and voila this is who we came home to. He's so serious! We truly are so proud of him. Please remember him in your prayers. He will be in basic training until Christmas. He will be in the best shape of his life assuming he doesn't eat like crazy. He is definitely my son because his big excitement was the food they fed him where his training takes place! This year while he is in university and while he works his way through basic training and moving forward with his pilots licenses his schedule will be very very full. He can't go to church until December. So all you out there that know him and can contact him through Facebook do this Mama a favor and encourage him every so often and ask him the hard spiritual questions. He has a couple of accountability partners he has put in place so he understands the importance of having people like that in your life. Podcasts are awesome because now you don't necessarily have to be in the building to hear the message and go to church but fellowship with other like minded people of faith is so important. God is at work in his life and I'm excited to see how he will grow over this next year. My kid rocks...but I'm biased. This is a great time in his life. He's driven and loves God and wants to serve his country how awesome is that. Mama...very proud...out!

I....Son #1

... do Solemnly swear I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada, Her Heirs and Successors according to law, forever. So help me God."

Well he finally did it. Son #1 is officially an officer candidate for the Canadian Armed forces. We are so proud of him. Truly we are. As freaked out as I was about the whole thing the reality is that our son wants to serve and protect his country. What an incredible calling. What better place for a young man who loves Jesus. What an incredible opportunity to live out his faith. What an incredible opportunity to serve. We are overjoyed for him. He has wanted to be a pilot since he could talk and now he is one step closer to living his dream. I love that he has never wavered from what he believed God called him to do. Here is what sucks about this though we were not able to be there. He has been waiting forever for this call and of course we are in Indiana when it happens...grrrrrr....oh well I'm guessing the last thing he needed was his Mama blubbering in the background but I wish I was there. It was kind of like the big award he got in Grade Twelve and we walked through the door just after her received it! Ah well he knows we are crazy about him. Pray for him y'all as he begins boot camp on the weekend. I won't see him for three months because he will be in training until December and with university, flying and that well he has enough to do. We love you Matt and think you will make an incredible officer. Proud Mama out.

Traveling without the kids

It has been years since DH and I traveled without the kids and here I am with my nose stuck in front of a computer. It's awesome how Emily is adjusting without us. She has settled in with childcare and still has big brother to attend to her every need! I think that it is healthy for her to know when we leave we will be coming back so that she can keep that sense of security in knowing that every time we walk out the door we are not leaving forever. It's good to know that she is adjusting and adjusting well. DH's niece is being a surrogate Mom and doing a fine job. All on the home front is good and all here in the beautiful United States of America is just fine too. I love it when things go well. Enjoy it I say because I know all too well in an instant it could all change! Mama out.

Referral Dates Change

China Centre of Adoption Affairs is the organization that facilitates all adoptions within China. The process is such that when you want to adopt from China you send all of your paperwork to this office. This office then reviews your information and gives you a log in date. Our log in date for Emily was August 25, 2005. We received a referral package with Emily's picture in November of 2006. Each month the CCAA releases the dates of the dossiers that they have approved for adoption and have successfully matched children with. It's pretty exciting. This process has been at a snails pace since we came home with Emily. Just to give you a sense of how things have slowed. In November of 2006 they approved dossiers for families including our date of August 25th,2005. It is now September 2008 and they have approved this month the dossiers registered from February 1st - 9th, 2006. It has moved only 5 1/2 months in almost two years. If that rate continues it will be another six years before we return to China for a sister for Emily because we registered again last August. Do I believe it will be that long. No way! Things slowed because of the Beijing Olympics. Now that the Olympics are over it isn't any coincidence that the dates moved 9 days in one month this includes more days than what they have usually approved. It will be interesting to see if next month it moves even more. All you adoptive people waiting and reading this out there do not despair it will get better and before you know it you will be there with your heart child in your arms. Mama out.

Energy Drinks

I have always loved to drive. I think it was a control thing but if I wasn't driving I wasn't going. I say was because the older I get the more I hate it. In keeping with the whole well kept woman thing I've become very very comfortable with being chauffeured from place to place. I sit in my passenger seat and instruct whoever is driving, I help choose the music and point out any unforeseen obstacles. I'm into the "Driving Miss Julie" thing. I really rather enjoy my new role. Therefore, when I realized that I had to drive back from Ingonish yesterday I wasn't looking forward to a five hour drive. Son #2 and Baby girl kept me company. Now I forgot to mention the whole sleeping in the car thing. I could never sleep but seems the older I get I just can't stay awake. Are you starting to get the picture? Can't stay awake - doesn't like to drive. Let's just say after only an hour all I wanted was a nap. I struggled big time just to make it to the Irving station and hoped that a bathroom break and walking around would help. I thought that I would have to pull over and nap. It didn't help that the rain teemed down. So I send Son#2 into the lady at the Irving and told him to get me an energy drink. I know I know...me on an energy drink. It's like giving a squirrel an upper. DH just giggled and said good luck. How bad could it be? Son #2 after some threats went and got it for me. After I downed the bottle about the size of the shampoo bottles in hotels I thought I should read the side effects. Problem is though the bottle was so small it could have said your teeth would fall out I wasn't reading it. I guess middle aged people don't drink these things. Son #2 warned me of the redness and hot skin. So what else is new this is menopause in a little teeny tiny bottle. After about an hour my pupils were the size of dimes and there was no way I was going to nod off. At hour number 8 after we were home the little bottle wore off. I crawled into bed and woke up at 9:00 this morning. It is kind of like liquid happy pills. Pills to calm me and liquids to keep me awake...yeah baby this being on the ragged edge thing isn't so bad as long as I keep this stuff around! MMMMAAAAAMMMMA....a little jittery out!

Toilet Licking

Well my little sweetie has taken up a new habit while we have been on vacation. It is stemming from my attempt to pottie train the child. I should preface this as saying I am the most laid back person on the planet when it comes to this kind of stuff. Son #1 pretty much pottie trained himself because he was so old he figured it was time. The soother he sucked on stayed in his mouth until he finally walked up to me one day and said "I don't think I need this anymore". True story. Son #2 was pottie trained by my mother in law (I love that woman) and had a baba until he was seven. Twelve thousand dollars later and he still has work to be done on his teeth. I have yet to meet a ten year old with a soother, with a baba, with a diaper or not able to talk. I hate conflict around this stuff because honestly I don't care they will figure it out eventually. But the "girl" well they say girls are different from boys. I decided I should do the pottie thing because it seemed that everyone else was. Temporary insanity. I diligently put the little princess on the "pot" every hour on the hour. We bought pottie stickers, pottie dolls and party hats for when the blessed event happened. Which was far and few between. All I have succeeded in is making her addicted to bathrooms. She relishes a new place so she can see what the pottie looks like. No matter where we go she wants to pee on the pottie. She isn't successful that often but sometimes she "gets it done". What is disturbing me is the disgusting habit she has picked up along the way. She has started licking the toilets. Yes you read correctly. She either sticks her face on it tongue fully extended while I am locking the door or sticks her hands in the water and licks all of her fingers while I am trying to get the diaper off. It sends me off the deep end! Which of course is why she is doing it. She gets a reaction from me as if I have been jolted with an electric shock. Grouse Grouse Grouse. I've decided that pottie training is for the birds. If she is still wearing a diaper in high school well then we have a problem but for now I can't take the licking thing...LICKING TOILETS give me a break. Mama out.

Lost in Ingonish

I have yet another new addiction in my life. I think that I was possibly one of the few people around that had never ever seen an episode of Lost. I remember many a time that we would be engaged in an activity of one sort or another and have to halt because one or two couldn’t possibly stay because “I can’t miss Lost”. I would think twits. I don’t watch much tv. When I first left my job I became a tv junky and decided unless I wanted to be 400lbs and pasty white I had best find another hobby. I’m still pasty white but I kicked the habit so now I just watch a few carefully selected “good” programs. You know the ones I mean – How to Look Good Naked – The Biggest Loser – American Idol (woot woot) – Extreme Home Make Over- The Amazing Race (woot, woot, woot) and of course an occasional Oprah. I don’t watch Oprah much anymore I’ve had to boycott her because she’s gone weird on me. But that’s pretty much it. I was at one point in my life addicted to CSI. Another time I was addicted to Star Trek. I unfortunately passed that along to Son #1. I am usually a reader not a watcher. Last week we were at Blockbuster to rent a movie. We’d seen pretty much everything that looked interesting. Son#1 and I passed the “Popular TV Show” aisle and scanned to see if we could pick something out. We had already cruised through House whenever I visited him at university last year so we wanted to pick another one. As I scanned the titles....Friends ?– Nah.....House ? Been there done that. 24 Hours? A possibility. Lost? NO...Maybe...Seems popular....oh why not. Lost is about to start season five. Lots of potential to watch four other seasons over the next year visiting at university. The rest is as they say is history. That was Tuesday. This is Saturday. I have been travelling back and forth to Blockbuster getting my fix. We left for Ingonish on Thursday with the usual supplies however I added one extra to the list. Six DVD’s of Lost each with four episodes. I thought that would last me until Son #1 came next week. This is Saturday we came late Thursday night. I only have two discs left! I love this show. No wonder the twits wanted to leave when we were out doing stuff...I don’t want to leave the trailer. DH and Son #2 are watching the Olympics at night and as baby girl sleeps I’m balled up in the bed with my mini DVD player two inches from my face saying things as I watch like....WHAT! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! NO WAY! I’ve laughed – I’ve cried – I’ve covered my eyes- I’ve jumped just about out of my skin. I am completely and utterly addicted. I have to take a break today. My ear is killing me from the headphones in my ear. We’re beaching it today the sun is magnificent and it’s a beautiful Ingonish morning. I can’t wait to see Son #1 on Thursday to tell him how much I love him, to spend the last few days of his summer vacation with him and well did I mention he’s bringing my next fourteen DVD’s of Lost with him. Mama Lost in Ingonish Out.

Lobster Rolls, Naps and I'm Lost for Lost

I ended up spending the afternoon with my Mom, baby girl and Son #1 today. We stopped and picked up a couple of lobster sandwiches. She's been craving one so I thought why not I can force myself to eat a lobster sandwich. Thirty dollars later! Thirty dollars for two lobster rolls. Now this is almost exactly what it looked like. I started to wonder only in the Maritimes can you take a can of lobster mix it with some Miracle Whip loose pack it all in a HOTDOG bun and charge $13.89 plus tax for it. I suppose... a very rich man once told me that "profit is not a dirty word" and apparently he spoke to someone in this establishment as well. I ate the sandwich in a nano second and laid back in the lazy boy to watch Season one Disc one of Lost with my elderly Mom and Son #1. I don't know what it is about my parents home but I don't last there very long without wanting to go to sleep. So I spent the afternoon curled up on the floor with Emily and Mom curled up on the couch snoring away with the "boy" just shaking his head with the volume up to hear what was going on with the show. Just for the record I'm now addicted to that TV show even if I did sleep because I watched the same episode the night before. Pathetic but what else do you do after about 14 straight days of rain....Mama water logged and shack cracked but loving Lost...signing out to go and watch Disc two of Lost....woot woot.