I didn't realise that it is natural for girls to want children. It wasn't until I began to watch Emily even as a baby pick up a doll and love it and try and care for it that it became evident to me that the maternal instinct seems to just be inside of us girls. As we grow we dream of meeting our prince and having children and that as a mother we will be the best mother ever. We will dress up these little children, play with them and they will love us and all will be wonderful. However, one day you wake up in a pair of grey sweatpants with your hair in a ponytail with puke on your shoulder, fingerprints on your pant legs and boobs leaking milk at every child that even looks in your general vicinity. I titled this "Somebody has to say it" because well somebody has to say this - just because we are women does not make us naturally good caregivers for children and being a mother is hard. Now don't get me wrong I love my kids but I realised very early on in my oldest sons little life that there was nothing natural in me concerning mothering. It was work and when I felt like I was going to explode if I had to spend one more day in the house I realised that maybe just maybe I wasn't cut out for it. I hated cleaning, I couldn't cook, I was lonely and I was starved for company. I got through the baby stage three times and my kids got through it unscathed but I vividly remember thinking "What is wrong with me". I've since learned there was nothing wrong with me or my kids I was just better suited for the boardroom instead of the babies room. I LOVE my kids and as they grew we got along much better. The older they got the better I got. We laughed, fought, yacked, and hung out. We still do actually even though one is 21 and just got engaged (to an amazing girl by the way), my nineteen year old challenges my thinking every single day and makes me laugh like no one else and Emily and I are just two chicks who hang out now. She tells me not to be rude and we giggle and shop and well we just have days with just the girls. I say all of this because I know there are Mom's out there beating themselves up because mothering wasn't what they expected (it's the hardest job I've ever had) and their emotions betray them, and girls we are great at giving ourselves a tremendous guilt trip. Guess what girlfriends you are normal. It is totally normal to question, it is normal to want out and it is totally normal to have to work at it. We leave the house and put on the happy Mom face and well girls it's time that we are honest and say there are days when we believe we are not good mothers and we compare ourselves to the yummy mommies as we drag around our excess baby weight for 2o plus years and wonder where we went wrong. Well I'm fessing up that it took me a while to figure it out and there were days when I didn't think I could make it but the rewards are amazing. Three kids and one on the way from China and each time I'm with my kids every grey hair they gave me was totally worth it. So stop beating yourselves up if you are...your kids will grow and it does get easier and one day like me you will look back at the mistakes and the wrong thoughts and realise you are human girls and you will figure it out. If you're reading this and want to encourage other Mom's out there post a comment and encourage another Mom to hang in there - Mama out.
